A Lesson in Compassion

Be compassionate with your elders. It's not easy getting old. How do I know? Today I put popcorn kernels in my shoes to make it harder to walk. I slipped on a pair of plastic gloves and taped three fingers together on my left hand, and another three fingers together on my right hand to simulate arthritis. Then I put on goggles with 80% of the lenses blacked out to simulate the results of macular degeneration. Finally, I donned earphones playing constant chatter and static as background noise. Then I tried to do six tasks: thread a belt through loops on a pair of trousers, match 6 pairs of sox, clear the table of dishes, draw a picture of my family and put on a tie.

It's very hard when your body parts don't work efficiently, you can't see clearly and there is constant noise distracting you! I almost forgot to draw the picture. My take home lesson? I was frustrated by my inability to focus and agitated about feeling less capable than usual. It's hard for me to process information efficiently when I am overwhelmed and/or distracted. And, if I can't process the input, I can't retain it. (Watch out all you multi-taskers--you're only creating undue stress for yourselves.)

As for treating the elderly, from now on, I will encourage them to focus on one thing at a time. Answer one question first before going on to the next. Complete one task before taking on another. Protecting one's self-esteem is important. I think this applies to kids as well as the elderly. In the end, I will simply treat everyone with patience and compassion--myself too. Wow, that's quite an insight!

How to make decisions

I have ALWAYS had a hard time making decisions. The only other person I know who has an even harder time, is my daughter, Karina. As a high school senior, she is at the crossroads of her first major life decision--where to attend college. At the start of April, she was over-the-moon happy about realizing that quality mattered more than brand to her. She eagerly sent in her $500 deposit to reserve her place at Claremont McKenna College. She drew up an elaborately detailed matrix of reasons for why she wanted to attend CMC over Georgetown University. In fact, her list of pros and cons reached nearly legendary proportions as other seniors facing similar dilemmas, facebooked her to see her list. Then days away from the May 1 official notification date, she had second thoughts.

"I just realized that I never did a pro/con list for CMC vs. Harvard," exclaimed Karina. "Maybe I should keep my options open and stay on the Harvard waitlist."

She immediately began contacting her Harvard friends to learn as much as she could about the quality of life, classes and friendships at Harvard. She drew up an extensive pro-con list. Most of the Pro-Harvard reasons revolved around the strength of the Harvard brand (which comes with an almost iron-clad lifetime warranty)compared to the unique, supportive yet outgoing culture at CMC.

"What if CMC doesn't live up to my expectations? What if it doesn't stretch me enough?" Karina bounced back and forth. "But then again, what if I disappoint people if I don't go to CMC after I told them I would?"

Mike and I sat up with Karina for hours, night after night, listening to her internal debate and offered our various thoughts and perspectives. Mike's sage advice was to "listen to your heart, and learn to soothe yourself." He was addressing the "relativity problem" that each of us faces in life. It goes like this: Why are my equally or less accomplished peers so much more successful? (however you define "success") Then you do a tailspin into self-doubt and depression until you can realize that what you have chosen to do follows your heart. You have to learn to listen to your heart and soothe yourself. So what if you are a Porsche idling at 35 mph on city streets--especially if that is precisely what makes you happy. Maybe being on city streets means that you get to spend more time with the people you love.

Just because Karina's "less equals" are getting into Harvard, doesn't mean that it's the best school for her. Stay tuned.

CHINESE plate-spinners!

Yes, the one on the bottom, supporting all the other plate spinners is my mom. She sets the standards!

Happy Mother's Day

I used to think I was a pretty capable person. I could keep any number of projects moving along, simultaneously--just like the plate spinners on the Ed Sullivan show. They get one plate spinning on a stick, then set up the next one, then another, then another, then run back to the first one to make sure it continues to spin. I remember being very impressed by this act. I felt I was more accomplished than most if I could keep five things going at the same time: answer the phone, vacuum the refrigerator condenser coils, answer the doorbell, help the kids with homework, all while cooking dinner.

One day, just as a reality check (or maybe I was fishing for a compliment), I asked Mason, "Do you remember those plate-spinners? What's the most number of plates you've ever seen them keep spinning, simultaneously?"

He paused to recollect for a moment then responded, "Oh, about 50."

"You have?! When?" I asked, incredulous--all hopes of grandeur, crushed.

"Mom, you know, the Chinese acrobats. The ones who spin 5 plates on each foot, have 5 going on each hand then have another 5 spinning from a pipe-like thingy in their mouth all while balancing another person doing the exact same thing."

"That's right," I thought, "the Chinese have taken this to a high art!" Take my mom for example. My mom excelled at doing many, many more tasks simultaneously than I could even imagine attempting! When we lived in Madison, Wisconsin, she used to throw HUGE dinner parties for the other econ professors at UW. These were 10-12 course sit-down banquets for 30 people at a time that she would cook single-handedly!! (While still looking beautiful, I might add.) Wow! I'd have a nervous breakdown trying to do something like that!

When I think back to my mom, I realize that she set very high standards for my sister and me, without realizing it. My mom is a CHINESE plate-spinner (see image on the next page) and that sets the bar VERY high indeed. If she could do it all, then we should be able to do it too...but boy is it exhausting! So whenever I think I'm doing pretty good at spinning my 5 or 6 plates and find myself getting a little complacent, I just remember my mom the Chinese plate-spinner and her 300 plates...Honestly, I don't know how she does it. She's just amazing.

Sure makes me proud to be Chinese, though!!

It's Like French Toast

When we attended the "Welcome to CMC" weekend mid-April, we stayed at the Doubletree Inn, located just blocks away from Claremont McKenna College. Not only did they give us yummy, warm chocolate chip cookies when we checked in, but they also gave us free buffet breakfasts every morning! Each morning we'd race down to the dining room to see what was new. The first morning, Mike, Karina and I had made-to-order omelettes with salsa. We were so full, we didn't have room for the scrumptious looking french toast beckoning to us in the silver chafing dish adjacent to the salsa.

"I'm going to have the french toast tomorrow!" Karina announced.

The next morning, we again dashed to the dining room. Ahhh, egg white omelettes with any kind of fixings we wanted.

"Omelette or French toast?" waivered Karina. She decided on the omelette. "It's protein," she argued.

Our final day at the doubletree, Karina raced to breakfast, ready for her french toast, only to find they were serving waffles instead! She was crest-fallen. Even though she was able to special order french toast (served with a side of banana slices!!), the lesson was clear:

Take advantage of the opportunity when it presents itself especally if it means that much to you. If you can refuse it, know that that is your choice and you may not get another crack at it. The point is, whatever you decide, KNOW THAT YOU MADE A CHOICE & LIVE WITH NO REGRETS.

Wind her up and watch her go!

10:57 p.m. Georgetown, DC.
It's exciting to watch Karina become more and more independent! We flew into Washington Dulles airport last night and hit the ground running today. Other than the opening welcome session, Business School Dean's session and the closing convocation, where parents and students were together, she split off on her own for the student sessions. We parted ways about 7 p.m. so she could meet Mary B. for dinner, then go bowling with Courtney C. 'til 1 a.m. I won't see her again until tomorrow night for a night cab ride around the monuments. She's probably staying with friends again--to get the full "Georgetown Experience".

She reminds me of one of those little wind-up toys. All they need is a little crank in the beginning, then they're off!

Georgetown is a fantastic school/place. The students are welcoming and enthusiastic about their work and activities. The ones we've met are spirited and passionate. The curriculum includes ethics, values, service, relationships, loyalty... not just achievement. Pretty cool!

A Hierarchy of Intentions

Today I realized that we all have intentions, even Sarah the dog, but mine is often the weakest in the bunch. Are intentions the same as will? as determination? In our household, I often look for a compromise solution where everyone's intentions and desires can be satisfied. I love an elegant (and efficient) solution. But the downside is running the risk that no one person is wholly satisfied.

Most times, I don't mind subordinating my intentions to someone else's. Others can decide where to go, what to eat, it doesn't really matter to me as long as they are happy. Even Sarah gets into the act, dictating when and where she wants to walk on any given day. But it can be like a shouting match. The strongest brainbeam gets its way.

Because I've cultivated such an opinionated bunch, I've got to learn to exercise my brainbeam, too--or else I force myself to wait until everyone else is away. All it does is build resentment. Not good. Therefore, it's time to elbow my way back in.

So why is it that today I asked God for a sign about how to get things back together and I end up losing all of my appointment data on my palm pilot? I don't know where I've been or where I'm supposed to go. That has always been my biggest fear. Now here I am. OK, now what? I suppose if I deal with my biggest fear (and frustration), then the rest really doesn't matter. OK, so I'm a woman with no future and no past. It forces me to live in the present. AS nice as it sounds, I'm not sure that's practical.

Welcome to my Playground

Dear Family,
In case I don't share enough with you about what really goes on in my life/mind, I'm inviting you to my playground--my mind--where I have the most fun. Feel free to read, ask questions, comment...or not. I'm not much on the phone. I don't disclose much or often, but I love to think about things. I hope to spend more of my time here in the future. This is the best way for me to bring you along.

love always,
Tonia

Happy 80th Birthday Dad!

My Dad, Kang Chao, famed professor and scholar, turns 80 today. As we speak, he and mom are on a Princess cruise en route from Hong Kong to Keelung, Taiwan.

My Playground

The most exciting place in the world...
is in my head. I can spend days, weeks, lifetimes even, at the playground in my head. I can go places, learn things, write scripts, see movies, savor new experiences and best of, relive favorite memories--all without moving a muscle.

I had dinner with Mike's parents last night. His mom asked where I lived and how many kids I had. My heart broke. I love Zaza dearly. We shared so many happy times. Watching her memories dim makes me realize that the way I live my life is forcing my own memories to dim, also.

I was so sad last night. I have this wonderful playground, but I don't spend much time visiting it anymore. I spend most of my time taking care of other people's business. As a result, I feel my playground is receding into the distance. It takes longer to get there. When I finally arrive, I don't remember half the things I want to do there. Then I have to spend so much time traveling back to my real world.

I would love a chunk of time to just go there and play without a care in the world. That means that I would know that the kids are taken care of, that Mike's needs are met, the dog is walked and fed, etc. That I can leave and take care of myself without feeling guilty or feeling like I am being irresponsible or abandoning the family. That's the hard part. There is never a time that is "convenient" for others. If I take off, it is always "inconvenient" for others and I see it in their faces. How nice it would be to live in a supportive environment--"Hey, you should go and take some time for yourself. We'll manage. Don't worry. We love you and we know you love us."

I'm feeling stretched and depleted. Must regroup and get it together again.

Photo: The slide at Henry Vilas Park in Madison, Wisconsin where I grew up.

MENTAL CONSTIPATION

Dark days. My mind is about to burst with ideas, reflections, stories. My memory can't hold on to them long enough to write down. It's like waking up in the morning and trying to grasp onto the last puffs of an evaporating dream. Such frustration! I feel that all of my ideas have slipped beyond my grasp, into oblivion. I'm frustrated beyond belief that I don't carve out enough time to write. I cry out of sadness for my mind can no longer retain the thoughts I want to remember.

Re-inventing Education

Just think, what if we were truly intent on preparing kids to thrive in and contribute to the 21st century. What would education look like? What skills would our young people need in the 21st century to be ethical, helpful, compassionate and collaborative citizens and creative problem-solvers of the world? What will teach our young people to be their best FOR the world? (not necessarily the best IN the world) What would be the role of the teachers? And most importantly, what would the curriculum look like?

Our present educational model is out-dated. It's the "GM model" built for an industrial society. Schools are factories with interchangeable parts (teachers) for creating uniform products (students). As a rule, they do not allow for customization and acceleration. Furthermore, the curriculum is based on the classical 15th century "Trivium" of Logic, Grammar and Rhetoric.

We have progressed to the information age. Our students no longer need to produce answers as most information is readily available online. They need to know the best ways to access the best information for problem-solving. As a result, the 21st century equivalents to the Trivium are Algorithmic thinking, computer science, programming (formerly logic); Information literacy (formerly grammar); and Qualifying sources/presenting arguments (formerly rhetoric).

Wow! Just imagine how exciting education could be if it were student-centric, interactive, multi-media focused and collaborative! By being "prosumers" kids would create content while learning and sharing. It would be an upward spiral of innovation and improvement.

Our next step is to figure out how to get from the Industrial age to the Information age. How do we move from the "GM model" to a self-paced, customizable model? Stay tuned!


food for thought:
Clayton Chistensen - Disrupting Class: how disruptive innovation will change the world learns
Tapscott & Williams - Wikinomics: how mass collaboration changes everything
Kim & Mauborgne - Blue Ocean Strategy (to develop new markets by repositioning i.e., Cirque du Soleil, Curves, Southwest)
Charter School movement - online high schools
Home School movement - acceleration, customization
Apollo Group's University of Phoenix & insight online schools (10k notes/annual report)

Brainstorm partners:
Mike Hsieh
Michael Massey
Diann Callaghan
Kevin Callaghan
and many more to come!