How to make decisions

I have ALWAYS had a hard time making decisions. The only other person I know who has an even harder time, is my daughter, Karina. As a high school senior, she is at the crossroads of her first major life decision--where to attend college. At the start of April, she was over-the-moon happy about realizing that quality mattered more than brand to her. She eagerly sent in her $500 deposit to reserve her place at Claremont McKenna College. She drew up an elaborately detailed matrix of reasons for why she wanted to attend CMC over Georgetown University. In fact, her list of pros and cons reached nearly legendary proportions as other seniors facing similar dilemmas, facebooked her to see her list. Then days away from the May 1 official notification date, she had second thoughts.

"I just realized that I never did a pro/con list for CMC vs. Harvard," exclaimed Karina. "Maybe I should keep my options open and stay on the Harvard waitlist."

She immediately began contacting her Harvard friends to learn as much as she could about the quality of life, classes and friendships at Harvard. She drew up an extensive pro-con list. Most of the Pro-Harvard reasons revolved around the strength of the Harvard brand (which comes with an almost iron-clad lifetime warranty)compared to the unique, supportive yet outgoing culture at CMC.

"What if CMC doesn't live up to my expectations? What if it doesn't stretch me enough?" Karina bounced back and forth. "But then again, what if I disappoint people if I don't go to CMC after I told them I would?"

Mike and I sat up with Karina for hours, night after night, listening to her internal debate and offered our various thoughts and perspectives. Mike's sage advice was to "listen to your heart, and learn to soothe yourself." He was addressing the "relativity problem" that each of us faces in life. It goes like this: Why are my equally or less accomplished peers so much more successful? (however you define "success") Then you do a tailspin into self-doubt and depression until you can realize that what you have chosen to do follows your heart. You have to learn to listen to your heart and soothe yourself. So what if you are a Porsche idling at 35 mph on city streets--especially if that is precisely what makes you happy. Maybe being on city streets means that you get to spend more time with the people you love.

Just because Karina's "less equals" are getting into Harvard, doesn't mean that it's the best school for her. Stay tuned.

CHINESE plate-spinners!

Yes, the one on the bottom, supporting all the other plate spinners is my mom. She sets the standards!

Happy Mother's Day

I used to think I was a pretty capable person. I could keep any number of projects moving along, simultaneously--just like the plate spinners on the Ed Sullivan show. They get one plate spinning on a stick, then set up the next one, then another, then another, then run back to the first one to make sure it continues to spin. I remember being very impressed by this act. I felt I was more accomplished than most if I could keep five things going at the same time: answer the phone, vacuum the refrigerator condenser coils, answer the doorbell, help the kids with homework, all while cooking dinner.

One day, just as a reality check (or maybe I was fishing for a compliment), I asked Mason, "Do you remember those plate-spinners? What's the most number of plates you've ever seen them keep spinning, simultaneously?"

He paused to recollect for a moment then responded, "Oh, about 50."

"You have?! When?" I asked, incredulous--all hopes of grandeur, crushed.

"Mom, you know, the Chinese acrobats. The ones who spin 5 plates on each foot, have 5 going on each hand then have another 5 spinning from a pipe-like thingy in their mouth all while balancing another person doing the exact same thing."

"That's right," I thought, "the Chinese have taken this to a high art!" Take my mom for example. My mom excelled at doing many, many more tasks simultaneously than I could even imagine attempting! When we lived in Madison, Wisconsin, she used to throw HUGE dinner parties for the other econ professors at UW. These were 10-12 course sit-down banquets for 30 people at a time that she would cook single-handedly!! (While still looking beautiful, I might add.) Wow! I'd have a nervous breakdown trying to do something like that!

When I think back to my mom, I realize that she set very high standards for my sister and me, without realizing it. My mom is a CHINESE plate-spinner (see image on the next page) and that sets the bar VERY high indeed. If she could do it all, then we should be able to do it too...but boy is it exhausting! So whenever I think I'm doing pretty good at spinning my 5 or 6 plates and find myself getting a little complacent, I just remember my mom the Chinese plate-spinner and her 300 plates...Honestly, I don't know how she does it. She's just amazing.

Sure makes me proud to be Chinese, though!!

It's Like French Toast

When we attended the "Welcome to CMC" weekend mid-April, we stayed at the Doubletree Inn, located just blocks away from Claremont McKenna College. Not only did they give us yummy, warm chocolate chip cookies when we checked in, but they also gave us free buffet breakfasts every morning! Each morning we'd race down to the dining room to see what was new. The first morning, Mike, Karina and I had made-to-order omelettes with salsa. We were so full, we didn't have room for the scrumptious looking french toast beckoning to us in the silver chafing dish adjacent to the salsa.

"I'm going to have the french toast tomorrow!" Karina announced.

The next morning, we again dashed to the dining room. Ahhh, egg white omelettes with any kind of fixings we wanted.

"Omelette or French toast?" waivered Karina. She decided on the omelette. "It's protein," she argued.

Our final day at the doubletree, Karina raced to breakfast, ready for her french toast, only to find they were serving waffles instead! She was crest-fallen. Even though she was able to special order french toast (served with a side of banana slices!!), the lesson was clear:

Take advantage of the opportunity when it presents itself especally if it means that much to you. If you can refuse it, know that that is your choice and you may not get another crack at it. The point is, whatever you decide, KNOW THAT YOU MADE A CHOICE & LIVE WITH NO REGRETS.